From the time I was a teenager, I felt like I was off key from most... Like the story goes, I felt everyone had a secret hand shake and forgot to tell me...
At 9 my sexual problems began after being molested for many years by a relative... My family was old fashioned and after I finally told my parents they basically swept it under the rug... I finally put a knife to his throat when I was 12, when I stayed at my grandmas and he tried it again... I had it hidden under a cushion on the couch wear I slept... I told him I would cut him till I felt better if he ever touched me again... He never did...
I started having sex very early but not often, which I think was only out of shame... Like some how the boys would see that I was damaged, once they undressed me... By 16, I had a baby girl and was married to her 19 year old father for a minute before she was born but he bailed... He is still around but was never really a "father" to her... I call him her sperm donor... That's my "I wish I had never let you touch my vagina" pet name for him... Just recently I discovered that he left his second wife and child for the same skank he cheated on me with 23 years before... Pathetic, right? But also YEA!! GO KARMA, IT'S YOUR BIRTHDAY GO KARMA!!! Because now she can be miserable with him and his crazy family like we were! Hell she actually saved both of us, so maybe I should take her a cake or pie or something?? ha ha ha
Unfortunately, the sexual abuse did not end... At 17, I was date raped by an ex-boyfriend after a night out with my friend, who it turns out thought I left with someone else and left me needing a ride... He took me to his barraks room after convincing me he just needed to get his license... I never reported it because I was afraid they would blame me and I only saw him once after that.. Until about 8 months ago, I ran into him and his wife at a corner store... It didn't go well... But, I will tell that story another time...
The following year, I met an incredibly beautiful, loving, hard working, good man... We were in love but one night on his way home from visiting me, he was in a car accident along with 4 of his friends after the man driving the car fell asleep at the wheel... The only one who had any real serious injury was my Scott and he passed away in the arms of his friend on the side of the road... He tells me that Scotts last words were that he loved his family and me and that he was mad at him because he wanted to stay and his friend insisted... I never thought I could cry that much...
2 years later I met my 2 youngest daughters father... I will finish this story tomorrow, which I promise eventually gets much much better... ;) Nite...
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