So as time went on I began coping with all of my "issues" by becoming a complete and utter cold hearted bitch.... I hated everyone, I had no feeling for anyone or anything except my daughter.... And honestly even finding those motherly feeling was a struggle sometimes because I was so young and because I was so angry...
I realize now too that my mother did me no favors letting me live with her in my daughters first couple of years... I think it kept me from being forced to bond on a deeper level with her and is partly why we aren't closer now... But believe me I'm very aware of the what ifs, and should haves of being a mother so, I know she did and still does what she knew how to do at the moment... I know because that's all you can do...
She, being my mother blames herself a lot for not seeing what I was going through as a child but,
I don't... My mother was raised by a Baptist preacher and these thing weren't thought about, much less discussed... I'm actually quite amazed at my mothers ability not to freak out for lack of a better term on a regular basis, over the insanity of her own life history but then on top of it, the insane path each of her children's lives have taken...
Be back in a bit.......
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